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Dinosaur Emo Band “American Football” Reunites

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Breaking_NewsResidents across the United States were awakened early yesterday morning by several loud noises. This of course was the sound of Tumblr collectively ejaculating all over themselves when the band “American Football” announced that they were reuniting. I know what you’re thinking, a band naming themselves after the most popular sport in the US, they must be huge alpha bros right? Lol, no, I can assure you they are very beta. They knew that they were too physically frail and mentally weak to handle the extreme nature of true American football. So while all the jocks from their school were learning how to tackle, they were learning how to “twinkle”, a sound on the guitar produced by betas used to attract other betas, sort of like a beta mating call.

americanfootballpicbetas twinkling in their natural habitat

Unfortunately for American Football, they twinkled and twinkled until the PETA protected cows came home but no one responded. So they gave up on their dreams of blowing up, making “mad skrill” and banging hot groupies and decided it was all never meant. Then they said their final goodbyes as they parted ways…

americanfootball1

Flash forward to 15 years later. A young girl walks into a record store in hopes of finding the next big over-hyped band that’s broken up. She searches mercilessly for hours, determined in her efforts. Then in the very back isle of the darkest corner of the store, she discovers a record. She wipes the dust off of the ancient artifact and it reads “American Football”. Unsure of what to do with the findings, she decides to blog about it. Soon it started spreading like wildfire. All of Tumblr began jizzing over the twinkle sounds.

happypeople

The members of American Football rejoiced in astonishment, “finally we have fans who care about us!! We can finally live our dreams!” Coincidentally, all of the jocks that they went high school with are now in their mid 30′s and finishing their careers as professional athletes, leaving room for the betas to finally shine. They’re all like “now is our time to rise up and show the jocks that we can get with hot bishes too!”

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Lol, silly betas…

Don’t they know that playing true American football gets you this…

cheerleaders

Playing IN American Football gets you this…

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twinkle, twinkle, little beta,
how I wonder what you are
up above the stage so high,
ur underage fangirls begin to cry

twinkle, twinkle, little beta
how I wonder what you are


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